CONVERSATION ARCHIVES

What do I Do to Find My Faith Again?
Eric: I have been deeply involved in church for most of my life, but over the past few years I have become very unsure of anything. I have read a great deal of history and anthropology and have found so many different societies and cultures have developed religions that claim to be the One. I have found early religions that seem to presage the stories of the Bible, often telling the same stories in different settings or earlier times. It makes me wonder if the Bible is simply carryng on the oral tradition that other, earlier societies had developed. I have tried to discuss my doubts with pastors and with priests and have generally been told to just accept God's Word. "Take it on faith" ...

Ruth: If I could answer even one of your questions to your satisfaction I would feel at least partially fulfilled. But your questions simply don't have easy answers that go to the heart of your pain and unbelief. I am very sorry about the loss of you little daughter; there is nothing more anguishing than the death of a child. And you've been hit particularly hard with your sister's situation and the loss of your mother as well . . . [more]

Questions & Doubts
Bob: Thank you for sharing your thoughts and doubts, and for this forum. To avoid lots of typing and rambling I'll list a few disjointed questions and comments that perplex me. 1. I don't know why I am here what I'm supposed to be doing, why I feel abandoned. For too long, I have been "flying by the seat of my pants" and finding out what I was taught was all wrong. I have even asked God—"Make me less in your eyes that I may not suffer as much." I know it is NOT punishment ...

Ruth: I'm not sure you're looking for answers, and if you are, you will need to seek someone who is wiser than I am. But I will make some comments. 1. You ask God to make you less in his eyes that you might not suffer so much. I'm reminded of the words of Annie Dillard: "It often feels best to lay low, inconspicuous, instead of waving your spirit around from high places like a lightening rod. . . [more]

Is Christianity the "right" religion?
Chelsea: So, I am having this recurring issue in which my family tells me to turn to God. I was dedicated as a child to the Lord, yet now as an adult I don't know what to believe. I see how Christianity fills a void in people but then I think about whether or not it is God or if it is just the idea that someone completely accepts them. I even see myself looking at the Bible like horoscopes, it can apply to anyone, and who knows Christianity is the "RIGHT" religion?...

Ruth: One way to respond to you would be to try to convince you of the truth of Christianity above all other religions . . . [more]

Does the end justify the means in the Kingdom Of Heaven?
Karen: About three years ago, I joined a small community home church. I was a relatively new Christian and had just moved from a Church that I really loved in another state. The church that I came from was very nurturing and supportive, and I really felt God moving in my life in an amazing way. The small home church that I subsequently joined was difficult for me to adjust to. There seemed to be an emphasis on accountability and telling each other the not so pretty truth alot of the time. I believe with all my heart that we should speak truth to one another, but I felt like I was being assaulted on a regular basis...

Ruth: The situation you describe is abusive. Your story is a classic example of spiritual abuse . . . [more]

What about "busybodies"?
Linda: Where can I find scriptures on being a "busybody"?

Ruth: The term is somewhat anachronistic, but you could find many references to things like gossip in your concordance—hardcopy or online. . . [more]

Does God Care?
Shawn: I've read through the conversations to date on your website, and I am grateful for your honesty and wisdom. For me, the problem of evil is a major boulder in my faith journey and often I don't see around it. . .

Ruth: Where do I begin? You raise so many difficult questions. Even without all your intellectual/spiritual questions and doubts, I imagine it's easy for you to feel down as a mother of 2 young children. As much as you adore them, it's tough to stay upbeat all the time, even without all these issues. Everything you say rings true with me. . .[more]

Why is there no justice?
Bethany: Seven years ago I lost my best friend in a car accident and I feel that justice was never served for her and the young man that caused it is not remorseful. I question my faith because I feel that God would never really take away such a wonderful person. There is now a law in her name that pertains to her accident, so justice will be served if this type of accident ever happens again, but I feel that this boy received only a slap on the wrist. Why would God let him live and kill her? I just can't stop thinking about it and I feel that it has everything to do with my faith in God and the reason that I am questioning if it is real. I feel like a horrible person, but I believe that she was not supposed to die that day and I just don't think I will ever let it go. It's tearing me apart to know that I have these doubts. Do I just try to make peace with the accident and with him in my own way or do I dig deeper within myself and realize that "everything happens for a reason?"

Ruth: I am very sorry for the loss of your best friend.  Seven years may be a long time, but I'm sure there are many reminders every day of the good times you're missed with her all these years.  Your question is the most common one asked by those who are struggling with doubts.  How can an all-powerful (and good) God allow such a thing to happen.  The easy answer is free will. . . [more]

Tempted to Stray
R: I am a Christian with deep faith and a real love for the Lord. However, for the past seven years, I have been in a very difficult and trying marriage. The gift is that the marriage produced two beautiful children, whom I love dearly. But I have been unhappy with my marriage for a long time, and have gotten to the point where I am no longer in love with my husband. Yet I feel I should stay in the marriage, in part for the children, in part because I have no scriptural grounds for divorce. I long for a relationship with someone with whom I can be best friends, in life and in ministry. My relationship with my husband is a far cry from this. To make matters more difficult, I have become friends with—and now fallen in love with—someone who exactly fits the bill. . . .

Ruth: As you imagine, I could flood you with Bible verses, but I assume someone has already done that—or you have done that yourself. I cannot affirm the direction you're headed even apart from biblical admonitions. Just on a very practical level, the perfect man who understands you and wants to "be best friends in life and ministry" is never the one he/she appears to be. . . . [more]

How Can I Conquer Doubt?
Kathy: I have accepted Christ. God helped me understand, but now I feel doubts about Christ and human reasoning setting in that I can't get out of my head. It seems like the more I try to get rid of those doubts the more they haunt me. My one desire is to have an affection for Christ that is personal, but I am my own worst enemy. I feel like maybe I did not do something right or I don't know. The doubts are horrible and I don't want them. I pray all the time, maybe God is testing me. What can I do?

Ruth: Thank you for writing. I wish I had a simple solution for you in your struggle with doubts. Sometimes doubts just seem to pass away. Other times they come to blend in with belief; that is true for me. My faith is a mixture of doubt and belief. . . . [more]

Questioning Your Faith
Jeff: In college, they teach us that religions are there to control the population, and also to give people something to look forward to. I ponder sometimes if this is true, and I feel guilty. I was saved when I was nine years old, but sometimes I feel quilty for questioning things.

Ruth: You say you sometimes feel guilty for questioning your faith. Without doubt there could be no real faith. Indeed, Christianity is a religion that speaks openly of the kind of doubts and questions you mention . . . [more]

Does God Want Women Teaching Men?
Janice: Recently I've started re-reading Women in the Maze. The things you say in there sound so biblically reasonable—despite the questions about the meaning of "auqentein"—that, once again, I'm wondering if it could be that being female doesn't disbar me from teaching adult males. I have no interest in being the bigshot person that everyone calls Pastor or Reverend and I have no gifts in that parish-leadership direction. But I do think that, over the last nearly 30 years, God has equipped me to teach—at least in some well-defined areas, chiefly apologetics—and I'd really love to have the opportunity to teach other (adult) people some of what I've learned over that time. So what I'd like to know is what you know about the latest installments in this argument over 1 Tim 2: 12-15.

Ruth: The debate over 1 Timothy 2—and many other passages relating to women and other topics—will continue, I'm convinced, until the Lord returns. For those who would deny women a teaching/preaching ministry, 1 Tim 2 has been a key proof text . . . [more]

Two Questions About Love and Marriage
Brandon: If love is sacred and a gift from God, why is it so hard to find? Why experience so much lust over and over again? What if we give up on love? Are we still living our lives in such a way that God would approve?

Choosen09: Do you believe being married four times is a sin?

Ruth: I wish there was an easy answer to your question . . . [more]

Times of Doubt
Jackie: My brother is having a hard time with his faith. He is far more religiously active than I am, even though I consider myself a Christian, but he goes through periods where he heavily questions his faith. It scares me because it scares him so much. He gets depressed, defiant, sad, and antagonistic all at the same time. I don't know how to help him. . .

Ruth: This situation with your brother is a difficult one--most specifically in relation to your brother's age. Most people who struggle so with doubts to the extent he is going through are much older, and it would then be easier for me to interact and speak of the excitement of having a faith that is balanced by doubt . . . [more]

Is God Silent
Wayne: I recently wrote to you about God's silence regarding an issue about which I had been praying for about 15 years. I received no guidance or answers from God and I was depressed. Well, a couple of days after I wrote to you, an event occurred that told me God was still there. . .

Ruth: Thanks so much for writing back. Your message warmed my heart and it wonderfully brought together my two most recent books, God Talk (IVP) and Left Behind in a Mega-church World (Baker Books).

In God Talk I maintain that God is not chatty like we humans are. [more]

In Constant Suffering
Mark: I have been in constant pain for over 30 years and I suffer from major chronic depression. I have been a Christian most of my life. My life is anything but abundant. Why would a loving God allow his child to suffer so much?

Ruth: There are apologists who have "answers" to your question. I'm not an apologist and I have no answer. Sometimes God has no answer—at least none was given to Job. [more]

What About Prayer?
Kay: In church recently, we prayed for one of our members who was sick in the hospital. For a few days, she improved, and one of the members gave thanks the next week at church and said, "June is better. Prayer works!" Then the next week, June died. So, does that mean prayer doesn't work? How do you reconcile that?

Ruth: You've identified one of the most difficult matters Christians have wrestled with through the ages. Like so many before me, I don't have the answer. The foundational question is "Do our prayers change God's mind—or God's actions? [more]

God's Mysterious Love
Samantha: I've been, for the longest time, struggling with this issue of how God can love me and yet love everybody at the same time. I mean, can he love everybody equally? And even so, what makes that equal love so personal?

Ruth: The easy answer is that God is infinite and has infinite capacity to love far beyond our capacity to love and far beyond our comprehension. Such love is entirely beyond human understanding. [more]

Why Do Evil Things Happen?
Constantine: Why did God allow the tsunami disaster? Why is there evil in the world if God is all-powerful?

Ruth: Your question is the hardest question of all to answer. And, the question is impossible to answer whether thousands of people are killed or just one. If we worship a personal, all-powerful, all-good God, why do these tragic events happen? [more]

Faith at the Expense of Reason?
Serge: Why are you having this site? All I can think is that you need to confirm faith at the expense of reason.

Ruth: Yes, I think you have it at least partly right. I “need to confirm faith at the expense of reason.”

I often quote Madeleine L’Engle who wrote, “With my naked intellect, I cannot believe” in God. Those are my words as well. But, thank God, I have more than a naked intellect. I believe in God by grace through faith. [more]

What About People Who Say God Talks to Them?
Carey: I have heard of people saying that God talks to them, and I’m curious if this is in visions (which I have after praying from time to time) or if he is audibly speaking to them? Can you help me understand this?

Ruth: You raise a very interesting question, one I deal with in my book published by InterVarsity Press: God Talk: Cautions for Those Who Hear the Voice of God. [more]

Forgiving & Being Forgiven
Bonnie: I know that God does forgive my sins when I tell him that I’m sorry, but God also want us to forgive other people. If I didn’t get a chance to say to someone, “I’m sorry,” and it’s too late, does God still forgive me? Or is it too late for that, too?

Ruth: God’s forgiveness does not depend on our forgiving others. Jesus died on the cross for all our sins and we can confidently lay claim to that. [more]

Devotion or Obligation?
Ross: I have been a believing Christian all of my life, but recently I have wondered to myself if I truly like/love God, or if I feel obligated to follow his ways. I have some physical problems that will never be fixed unless he helps, and I feel so unimportant to him, because it’s like he doesn’t even listen. I get so enraged and angry. Can you give me some advice?

Ruth: As you well know, the Apostle Paul had some infirmity (thorn in the flesh) that was never removed by God. I don’t think the Bible promises healing in every case. [more]

Getting Life Together
X: I’m finding your book, Walking Away from Faith, comforting and stimulating. I would like to know the pre-requisites one would need to study under you. I have a GED and am 26 years old, but my education does not reflect my inteligence. My adult life has been somewhat stifled by depression and too much partying. Sorry this isn’t about faith—though, I guess in a way it is.

Ruth: Thanks for writing. I’m flattered that you would desire to study under me. I don’t usually think of people studying under me because I always learn so much from my students in teaching situations—so, it’s more of a learning community. You sound interesting. Who are you? And where do you live? [more]

Overwhelmed by the World's Suffering
Teresa: My husband constantly struggles with all the bad things that happen in the world. He is a believer of God and we go to church very frequently, learning as much as we can and working on building Christian relationships and so forth. But my husband still tells me on a regular basis that he has trouble with his faith . . .

Ruth: You raise the age-old issue: How can an all-good and all-powerful God allow awful things to happen in this world? [more]

My Way or God's Way?
Sheena: I want so badly God’s will in my life, and yet, at the same time, I want my way because I feel that that’s the only way I am going to get what I really want.. . .

Ruth: Your message is very difficult to answer because it is so subjective—and there is no right or easy answer. Basically, you’re asking “What is the will of God for me,” and “Do I really care?” [more]

So Many Doubts
Stephanie: I'm so lost! I think I’ve given up on Christ, on truth! There are so many doubts blocking me from giving my life to Christ. I don’t understand the Trinity. . .

Ruth: I’m not sure I can say anything to help you figure out the “Trinity thing.” It truly is a mystery. How is it possible that Jesus can be one with the God of the universe?[more]

God's Voice
Rich: How can I be convinced I have heard the voice of God, so I can know his will for my life?

Ruth: I have written a book on this very topic. . . [more]

Security
Edgar: What can you say about eternal security?

Ruth: Much of what I say about eternal security is summed up in my book, Walking Away From Faith. The very title is controversial . . . [more]

More Questions Than Answers
Lucas: I have reached a point where I have more questions than answers about Christianity. I became a Christian when I was 14, but 15 years later, I sometimes feel like telling God to just go away. . . . Can you help?

Ruth: Your letter speaks to so many issues and struggles, and you must have known in writing it that it was a therapeutic exercise as much as it was an expectation of help. I tend to offer more questions than answers, . . . [more]

Responding to Offensive Language
Lammie: How can I tell someone that her use of God’s name in a meaningless way is offensive?

Ruth: Your friend is probably not using the name of God intentionally—as in cursing—except when she uses the “G-D” phrase. If I were in your situation . . . [more]

No Answers to Prayer
Gerlie: I believe that God changes lives, but why do my prayers to be changed go unanswered? I feel that I am still in darkness. I pray to be used but get no answer at all. Why?

Ruth: There is a lot of confusion about this subject. How can there be an all-powerful God who doesn't respond to my specific prayer? . . . [more]

When Faith "Turns Off" Friends
Shannon: My faith has a pretty good foundation, but sometimes that foundation is threatened by my peers. I want to tell all of them how Jesus has completed my life and how I feel like I could fly when I think of Jesus. I want to tell them what is a good way without sounding like I am closed-minded.

Ruth: You may very well have a strong foundation to your faith, but you really . . . [more]

Struggling with Newfound Faith
Vanessa: I am struggling with my newfound faith and I just want to have a conversation with someone who may be going through the same problems that I am.

Ruth: I resonate with what you are saying about struggling with your faith--whether it is "newfound" of decades old. I think sometimes . . . [more]

Where Do I Go from Here?
Tracy: I've struggled with my faith since I was a little girl. . . My faith is wavering again. I can't help thinking I will never have a strong faith. I feel scared and lonely. I don't know what my question for you is--maybe, what do I do? Or where do I go from here?

Ruth: Thank you so much for writing. Your letter is exactly what this web site is for--to allow individuals to confess their struggles and doubts. I wish . . . [more]

How Can I Relate to My Unbelieving Son?
Jan: My oldest son left the faith while he was in college. Now he has such an irreverent sense of humor that relating to him is difficult. It is my goal to love him and keep the door open to him. How do I do this when so much of his conversation is hurtful to me? (He, of course, thinks I am ignorant for my views and beliefs.)

Ruth: I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You need to keep in mind that your son's irreverence is not a threat to God, . . . [more]

Why Doesn't God Talk to Me?
Rob: God never talks to me like he does other people. My friend says I should listen to the voice of God but I never hear him. Is something wrong with me? My cousin was shot and is mentally impaired because of injuries he got doing his duty as a cop. I ask God why but get no answer.

Ruth: Some people claim that God talks to them all the time. I'm often skeptical because it seems like God's voice always sounds so much like their voice does. . . . [more]

Why Do Terrible Things Happen?
Liz: I want to know how such terrible things happen to people if God is all powerful and all good like the church says. The answer people try to give me is that bad things happen because people are bad--that the Fall of Adam and Eve caused the world to be invaded by evil. But that doesn't solve the problem for me.

Ruth: I'm with you. I've heard that same argument made time and time again. The problem is I don't have a better answer. . . . [more]

What Is God Telling Me?
Monica: When alone praying, how do I understand what God is trying to tell me when I'm done praying?

Ruth: Your question is the ultimate question of Christians through the ages. Wouldn't it be nice if our prayers could be like your interaction with me. You say a prayer--ask a question--and I, as we often wish God would do, respond to you. One thing we know: God has all the answers; I don't. But, unlike God, I am sending you a direct and personal response. . . . [more]

Is God Real?
Robyn: I'm undecided about a lot of things in life, but one thing I'd like to be sure of is whether or not God is real. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in October of last year. Since then it's been somewhat of a rollercoaster: some days I question my faith, then other days God is so real to me that I wonder how I could ever have doubted Him. And then again there's other days that I wonder if it was just my emotions playing tricks on me. . . . I want to be stronger in my faith, but I don't want to be blind to the truth.

Ruth: Is God real or not? This seems to be your main concern at the moment. It is interesting to realize that the vast majority of people (at least in the U.S.) simply take it for granted that God is real. Most people just assume God's reality but live their lives as though he doesn't exist. They don't ask questions like you are asking--the penetrating questions of a thoughtful follower of Christ. . . . [more]

Why Doesn't God Make Himself Obvious?
Lance: I go to church with my wife and kids, and people think I'm a Christian. But how can I call myself a Christian when I'm not even sure there is a God? Sometimes I look out into space and think that all that is out there is space. If there is a God, why doesn't he make himself obvious?

Ruth: When I read your question, Lance, my first impulse is to say, "Me, too." Those are my very questions, and if I could answer them satisfactorily, I would unravel a quandary that has confronted questioning minds from time immemorial. How can anyone, I ask myself, not feel a sense of absence when contemplating God? Some people have responded to this sense of absence by simply denying the existence of God. I can't do that. I could say I won't do that, but the truth is I can't do that . . . [more]

Send us a comment or start your own conversation with Ruth!