Questioning Faith

Where it’s Okay to Ask

Conversations: Does the End Justify the Means in the Kingdom Of Heaven?

Karen:

About three years ago, I joined a small community home church. I was a relatively new Christian and had just moved from a Church that I really loved in another state. The church that I came from was very nurturing and supportive, and I really felt God moving in my life in an amazing way.

The small home church that I subsequently joined was difficult for me to adjust to. There seemed to be an emphasis on accountability and telling each other the not so pretty truth a lot of the time.

I believe with all my heart that we should speak truth to one another, but I felt like I was being assaulted on a regular basis with all my short comings and failings. As a relatively new Christian coming from a church where people led by example, this experience was devastating.

I know that the people in this small home church have only meant to help me, and I believe that some of the things I've been told about myself are true, but I've ended up feeling worthless and questioning God's love for me.

I have unforgiveness in heart for a certain individual in the community who spoke the truth to me on several occasions, but was so unkind and harsh in the delivery of it.

Does the end justify the means in the Kingdom Of Heaven?

I have the truth about myself through the eyes of others. I'd like to take that truth and move forward, but the experience of receiving it has crushed me.

Any thoughts you might have would be greatly appreciated.

Ruth:

The situation you describe is abusive. Your story is a classic example of spiritual abuse, and the individual you describe "who spoke the truth" to you with an "unkind and harsh" delivery has serious control issues. This is not what the community of faith ought to be. Such behavior should not be tolerated. If I sound dogmatic on this matter it is because I've known of people who have been almost emotionally and spiritually destroyed in such settings. I would strongly counsel you to leave the group and look around for another community of faith. Sometimes there are wonderful opportunities for spiritual growth in churches very different from what we are used to; a Baptist, for example, finding sweet fellowship in an Episcopal church.

Keep me posted on how this works out for you.