InterVarsity Press

Conversations: How Can I Relate to My Unbelieving Son?

Jan:

My oldest son left the faith while he was in college. Now he has such an irreverent sense of humor that relating to him is difficult.

It is my goal to love him and keep the door open to him. How do I do this when so much of his conversation is hurtful to me? (He, of course, thinks I am ignorant for my views and beliefs.)

My youngest son, still living at home, is a believer but looks up to his older brother. I fear for his faith and sometimes wonder if I am doing a disservice to him by being so quiet about my faith around my oldest son.

Thanks for any suggestions or encouragement.

Ruth:

I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You need to keep in mind that your son's irreverence is not a threat to God, and nothing he says can harm our sovereign God.

Let your son know, in a pleasant way, that his humor is sometimes hurtful to you. But then, I would encourage you to try to lighten up a little yourself. I don't mean to sound insensitive to you on this but sometimes we "old folks" can be kind of stodgy, and we need to keep in mind that there are often "humor gaps" between generations.

Some people feel that any joking about our faith or doubts is sacrilegious. I told a friend in a message yesterday that I think a sense of humor is a divine gift—and that surely includes a "religious" sense of humor.

I certainly don't think you should be quiet about your faith when you're around your oldest son, but try to be very warm and open to good humor in the process.

Shalom.